I just love this, it's an "actual letter", and was PC Magazine's Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. You have to read the whole thing, because it just gets funnier as it goes on. Period pain, is never something any woman chooses and far too many women suffer needlessly. We encourage you to check out our natural alternative, PMS Relief. It really can make a difference!
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate
many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency,
I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer
clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being
the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic.
I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little
F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't.
Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already
feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from
now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'
Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite
a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits
from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping
we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.
You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling
with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside
my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed
on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager
brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during
a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI,
unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy'
about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock
yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed
with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message
on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent,
like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there
will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business
elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one
minute miss your brand of condescending bull. And that's a promise I will keep.
Austin , TX
Thank you Wendi, we couldn't have said it any better. We would love to send you some PMS Relief Herb Pac's, let us know where to send them. Thanks for making all our days, even days on the rag, a little brighter.
One thought on “Funny and Real, Rantings on “Period” Pain”
THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!
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